So here I am, at the mercy of my ailing body, fighting pain as usual. Funny thing, pain. It can reduce me to tears, a ball of pain with symptoms so bad I curl up in a ball, bundled in blankets and wrapped up like a burrito, yet still cold, achy, and fighting spastic muscles and arthritic joints. Appetite gone, I crave warmth and softness, yet the soft touch of a throw blanket can sometimes feel prickly or raspy. The softest mattress I’ve ever had seems to take pleasure in poking my ribs with a heavily cushioned, flat button, even though it is covered with a mattress pad and fuzzy sheets. I understand the princess and the pea too well.
So up I am at 12:42 AM, blogging, every keystroke sending shock-waves up through my nerves and into my joints. I can’t sit still even though I’ve already taken my night pills, the anxiety pill combined with the ibuprofen and gabapentin, while easing some of the pain, cause me to be wobbly and drowsy, but only keep the pain at a dull roar. Tomorrow the weather will be changing again to some sun, but the temperatures at night will be colder because of less cloud cover, which means more symptoms of arthritis bothering me at night. At least I don’t have a headache, toss one of those into the pot, and I’m particularly useless.
I miss the days when I would hit the ground running, go fishing all day, often standing in place for hours without even thinking of taking a drink of water or stopping to eat. My Facebook friends must think I live inside my computer. I still go out and do things once in a great while, but it’s always a short trip, window shopping or something, and then back home. Forget hanging out with friends! Chocolate, coffee, and binge-watching my favorite TV shows are all I have on those days.