Thank goodness Easter is over!!! The MIL & FIL & son were here, we had kabobs on the BBQ, watched wood fire burning in the back yard. Saw 7 young deer traipse down the dirt road and go into our neighbors yard to eat. MIL was weird today, she was ripping into FIL pretty bad about some things, then she cooled off, chatted about basically nothing, then started having fits about other family members coming by to visit us on a trip they planned for another family reunion. She wanted all the details even though I have little to do with the part of the family. All I know is they are going to be in town and they want to stop by and see us while they are here. She wanted to know where they are staying, how long, where, when, why and how! I couldn’t believe she was making such a big deal about people I really don’t know or care about much. Then later, she was fussing about the neighbors, saying things that lead me to believe that she thinks they are nosy, conniving, self-serving, and pushy. I couldn’t believe she was being such a bitch about it. Our neighbors are not like that at all, and they haven’t lived here long enough to make a nuisance out of themselves either. True to my word, I didn’t say anything about it, but later on, I was thinking about it because something on “Everybody Loves Raymond” nudged my memory, and I realized that she could be jealous!!! I think she is jealous that people are not visiting her! But you reap what you sow, if you act like a dick 24/7, you smoke really cheap cigs like they are going out of style, so your house (and you!) stink to high heaven, then you reply to suggestions that you get a hobby, join a group, etc…. and say things like: “I don’t want to hang out with all the old biddies!) Have you looked at the mirror lately? you bitch whine and moan all the time, then they see you and tread you down?
So here I am, at the mercy of my ailing body, fighting pain as usual. Funny thing, pain. It can reduce me to tears, a ball of pain with symptoms so bad I curl up in a ball, bundled in blankets and wrapped up like a burrito, yet still cold, achy, and fighting spastic muscles and arthritic joints. Appetite gone, I crave warmth and softness, yet the soft touch of a throw blanket can sometimes feel prickly or raspy. The softest mattress I’ve ever had seems to take pleasure in poking my ribs with a heavily cushioned, flat button, even though it is covered with a mattress pad and fuzzy sheets. I understand the princess and the pea too well.
So up I am at 12:42 AM, blogging, every keystroke sending shock-waves up through my nerves and into my joints. I can’t sit still even though I’ve already taken my night pills, the anxiety pill combined with the ibuprofen and gabapentin, while easing some of the pain, cause me to be wobbly and drowsy, but only keep the pain at a dull roar. Tomorrow the weather will be changing again to some sun, but the temperatures at night will be colder because of less cloud cover, which means more symptoms of arthritis bothering me at night. At least I don’t have a headache, toss one of those into the pot, and I’m particularly useless.
I miss the days when I would hit the ground running, go fishing all day, often standing in place for hours without even thinking of taking a drink of water or stopping to eat. My Facebook friends must think I live inside my computer. I still go out and do things once in a great while, but it’s always a short trip, window shopping or something, and then back home. Forget hanging out with friends! Chocolate, coffee, and binge-watching my favorite TV shows are all I have on those days.
Ugh, just the word makes me cringe… Easter is definitely the one holiday I hate the most. Let me tell you why:
There are numerous reasons, the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus is one. Yes, you read that right. A goddess named Ishtar is responsible for the name of Easter, and she was worshiped a LONG time before Jesus was even born (by the Sumerians c.3500 BC). She was the goddess of fertility, love, war, sex, and power. Her symbol is an eight-pointed star, and she is affiliated with rabbits, eggs, the rising of the sun and many other things that are associated with Easter.
In fact, Ishtar is pronounced “easter”. Look it up, it’s interesting reading. Back in the day when Christianity was a baby religion, the leaders of the church wanted to have more power and money, and they schemed up ways to convert “pagans”. One of the tactics they used was to incorporate pagan celebrations, idols, symbols, etc., into the church. The pagan ways and symbols were altered a bit to both help them embrace Christianity, and make it look like the church wasn’t embracing paganism.
While this was happening, they planted seeds in the mindset of the followers that pagan beliefs were wrong, and the new Christianity was right. It took a while to brainwash everyone, but the crusades and the threat of being burned at the stake helped. Soon, everyone was scared to say anything against the church, or even breathe wrong for fear that a friend or relative would turn them in for hearsay or witchcraft. Sure, things are a bit different now, and there are people who follow many different beliefs, including many who are more nature oriented and lean towards what was considered pagan back then. It’s not pagan origins that bother me, it’s the fact that Christians today blindly accept and celebrate something that doesn’t have anything to do with “Christ” and get bent out of shape about anyone that questions what they are actually worshiping!
But that’s only part of my issue with it all. You know how Christmas has become so commercialized? Well, Easter is too, and it’s an even more useless holiday because aside from the fact that you are worshiping Ishtar instead of God on that day (no one really knows what day Jesus was resurrected, or born, for that matter), people go out and spend gobs of money on fancy clothes their kids will never wear again, candy they shouldn’t eat, and cheap plastic crap that will go in the garbage to fill up our landfills a couple of days later. Then there is the fact that a holiday that celebrates the gruesome execution of God’s Son is celebrated with giddy excitement, with lavish layouts of food and goodies, and everyone forgets what they are actually celebrating, whether they realize the origins of the holiday or not. It’s all about the food for the adults, and the candy and eggs for the kiddos. So why are they doing this and not helping out the poor, the disenfranchised, the homeless? Wouldn’t that money be better spent somewhere else? Of coarse it would, but not only money, time and effort as well. I think Jesus would be abashed at all the waste and silliness going on in His name!
But wait, there’s more!!! The Biggest reason I loathe the holiday we call Easter today is because of the grotesque childish falsetto of a certain family member who coos, SCREECHES, and flutters about like a love-struck ten year old girl with a crush on some teenage heartthrob! This woman is living in some fantasy world where all she has to do is bat her eyes and squeal like a little girl and suddenly she’s the cutest thing on the face of the planet. Or so she thinks. Never mind that there are NO CHILDREN around to think that what she is doing is cute, or adorable, only a bunch of adults who have seen it all before at EVERY holiday function, and are wincing at the sounds she makes while making a complete idiot of herself. Why on earth she thinks a 60+ year old woman who reeks of cheap cigarettes and looks much older (because of sunbathing too much) is “cute” is beyond anyone within sight or sound of her.
I find it annoying and intolerable (particularly to my ears!). I SO want to tell her to STFU and act like an ADULT!!! I dread her gushing over the cuteness of this or that decoration, or the “cute little bunnies” or the “Bullwinkles” (moose) that live in our state, or any other number of things she think deserves some pre-adolescent squealing that is worse than fingernails on chalkboard! It’s enough to make me nauseous, and I’m not saying that out of jealousy, (who in their right mind wants to be looked at like a total nut-job?). I’m the complete opposite, I don’t want attention, I would rather everyone just leave me the f alone! Ok, rant over… back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Sunny today at least. Hips are killing me, especially the left one. “Arthur” is at work, turning the screws. I could sleep all day, it seems I missed something in my dreams last night, I forgot something that I should have remembered. Too bad my brain doesn’t take notes automatically like a recording.
Why can’t I find a way to fix my pain? I deal with fibro pain 24/7, but now my back is killing me. I know I have osteoarthritis there, but this almost feels like when I sprained my back lifting a resident at the nursing home long ago. I have been resting, but there is only so much I can avoid. Ugh.
Holy cow grocery shopping officially became an adventure today! The storm front came in with high winds, pelting rain, and no breaks where we could run to the truck without getting drenched!